You pay your money- you get your certification. "If I sleep through the class, do I still get my certification?" The answer is yes. After all, you aren't tested, or asked to perform to any level of competence, you're simply lectured to by a drill sergeant on his ideas about what alarm management is, and how his product makes it all work.

C.A.M.P. or Certified Alarm Management Professional almost made me fall off my chair laughing when I first saw it. So, just to be certain, I pulled out my Webster’s and looked up the definition. "camp- something that is considered amusing not because of its originality, but because of its lack of originality." Yep- that fits the bill.

I noticed first that some company offers a two-day training course. For $1200, you're allowed to go sit in front of them and get a two-day sales presentation. For that you receive a certification as an AMSS. (Alarm Management Sucker Supreme?) I laughed, and asked an attendee (yes- one of my clients wasted his money). He said he knew more than the teacher did just from the papers I'd sent him to read. Paid his money, got his certification.

Then I noticed that another company - not to be outdone - had upped the ante by making their focus around the 150-page book/brochure they recently wrote (Note: buy it at your risk, or just wait for another upcoming seminar where they will give it away so they can advertise the number of people who have read it). Additionally, with their training, you get continuing education credits from an organization willing to dole those out for people who are never even tested for what they have learned. And you get to be CAMP. Totally un-original. That is so "last week"- as my daughter would say.

OK- I'll repeat my mantra. Alarm Management is NOT rocket science. I KNOW THIS- I used to work as a rocket scientist designing and testing equipment for the space shuttle. It's simply good logical engineering, and a lot of bookkeeping. It is not a PROJECT, it is a PROCESS, and adjustments to your operations processes. Anybody who can make an alarm can remove an alarm. The goal is not to reduce alarms, but to balance to the proper amount of alarms. Too few alarms is WORSE than too many alarms.

So, if you need to hang a plaque on your wall, TiPS has decided that we will start issuing certifications. We're not going to preach to you about how good our products are for two days. Simply send us the money. We'll send you a L.A.M.E. certificate. That stands for "Local Alarm Management Expert". And when anybody asks who is the local expert on that subject, you can show them your certificate hanging on the wall. And if OSHA or EPA comes by, you can show it to them and it will have just as much value to them as the other guys' does. And if your company has a benzene spill because some company rationalized away the alarm that would have prevented it, then you'll at least have a L.A.M.E. excuse...

All kidding aside, stay tuned to TiPS website www.tipsweb.com where we will soon be announcing an alarm management training program to be taught by true alarm management professionals- ones who have been focusing in it, and contributing to both companies and specifications like EEMUA, ASM, and ISA for decades. We have decided that rather than hiring somebody and hanging a sign on him that says he's the expert in alarm management, we would go to the industry, and find those persons who truly are, and offer their training up as an independent offering. We have already done this for several of our clients, and it has been an overwhelming success. That means you won't hear a pitch on anybody's software- just the facts, and the technical information you need to get you moved past your current level of enlightenment.

It also means our goal is not to scare you into how complex it might be so that you'll have to hire us to do it. We believe that we can simplify it to the point you'll see you can do it yourself, or hire assistance under your direction. Let's get your alarm management system properly balanced without making a mountain out of a molehill. And let's do it without a bunch of lame certifications. If you want real certification, review the ISA's programs that require training and testing before offering certification.